One person’s view: “If you replaced him knocking her up with him slugging her in the jaw, the lyrics wouldn't have to change much – it’s the same sort of impassive and impersonal look at the situation.” – DonKarnage @ Rate Your Music
The public’s view: 1.50 / 5.00, the worst #1 hit of the 1970s
There are two #1 hits in pop music history that have been so widely ridiculed that I can think of very little else to say about them here. One of them is “(You’re) Having My Baby”. (I’ll mention the other one when we get to 1985.) In 2023, nearly 49 years after its release, this Paul Anka record still held such infamy that Reddit users ranked it as the absolute worst chart-topper in history.
The overriding complaint with Anka’s song is that it is extraordinarily self-centered. It reduces the conception and gestation of a new life into nothing more than a means of pleasing the male singer. The song has been described as “obnoxious”, “disgusting”, “vile”, and “garbage.”
It’s hard to see how this record could be any more offensive – but I’ll try. Here are my alternate lyrics for all of those millions of people who hate the original:
You’re having my baby
Along with a side of
onion rings and a Pepsi
You’re having my baby
What a crazy way of tellin’
me that you’re hungry
You didn’t have to eat
it
You could barely chew
it
But then you asked the
waiter for a knife
And you cut right
through it
Whoa, you’re having my
baby
Kind of makes you appreciate Paul Anka’s version, doesn’t it? Now please pass the ketchup.
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