One journalist’s view: “I sat transfixed in my car as it played, as if I were in the midst of an accident. The simpering melody, the tearjerking lyrics: God, how I hated it. And yet I couldn't change the station.” – Todd Leopold @ CNN
The public’s view: 2.56 / 5.00, the worst #1 hit of 1967 to 1969
Today’s rock critics look at 1960s music through rose-colored glasses, and that makes it hard to choose #1 hits that qualify for our museum of the all-time worst. I found only three such candidates in the second half of the decade. I already discussed “The Ballad of the Green Berets” and will discuss it no further. Later in 1966 the New Vaudeville Band topped the Hot 100 with the pseudo-novelty “Winchester Cathedral”. This bassoon-riddled record scolded a church building for permitting a woman to move out of town, and the singer expressed this delusional complaint through some kind of megaphone or perhaps a walkie-talkie. As preposterous as this concept was, its Rate Your Music score is hardly any worse than average. There are a fair number of people who find “Winchester Cathedral” to be quaint and charming, and so I have chosen not to highlight it with an entry here. Instead, I will move forward to 1968 and perhaps the most inexplicable #1 song in history – the song that rhymed “what the heck” with “hugged my neck.”
With most #1 hits – even those that are later viewed as a mistake – I can think of a reason that they were popular at the time. None of those reasons applies to “Honey”. It doesn’t have topical lyrics, great singing, or a kick-ass guitar solo. Its melody is somewhat pleasant, but the song isn’t obnoxiously catchy like many of the questionable #1 hits of the 1970s were. “Honey” didn’t ride some fad or novelty wave to the top, and there was no devious marketing scheme or chart manipulation pushing it forward. There was no popular dance called The Honey. Bobby Goldsboro was not a huge star whose records were a must-buy, and he wasn’t as handsome as other prominent Bobbys such as Vinton, Sherman, or Kennedy. And his song’s dominance of the Hot 100 can’t be dismissed as a fluke that happened only because there was nothing else worth listening to at the time. It knocked Otis Redding’s “(Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay” – which Redditors have voted the best chart-topper ever – out of #1, and then monopolized the peak position for more than a month. I know that 1968 was a bad year for the U.S., with assassinations and riots and the Tet Offensive, but “Honey” seems like a purely self-inflicted and unnecessary harm.
“Honey” doesn’t work as a romantic ballad, because comparing your partner to either of the characters in it would be certain to provoke a fight. The woman is childish, overly emotional, and a careless driver. The man ignores his wife’s feelings and buys a dog to keep her company because he’s always at work. He’s possibly even more child-like than she is, as he insists that he’s “being good.” Maybe his mommy will let him stay up late now?
As a death song, “Honey” is the lamest of its genre. It is nearly twice as long as “Moody River”, yet it doesn’t tell half as interesting of a tale. The woman doesn’t die in a train collision, a mining accident, or a gun battle. She doesn’t give a tearful goodbye to the narrator from a hospital bed. He simply comes home one day and finds her dead. The best thing about the story is that the woman passed away before these two insufferable people could have a child together. It’s much better that she only planted a tree, but I bet this will be one of those trees that oozes sap all over everything and extends its roots through the foundation of the neighbor’s house.
While I’m sorry I can’t offer any more insight on the popularity of “Honey”, I am pleased to announce that we have now covered all of the consensus picks for “bad” #1 songs of the 1960s. The next decade should be a lot more interesting.
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