One person’s view: “While not as bad as GUMMO or FEFE, TROLLZ is still absolutely awful. The beat is annoying, 6ix9ine’s voice is ear bleedingly bad, the lyrics are dumb, and it’s just an annoying, obnoxious experience.” – Jeremy @ Jeremy U’s Music Corner
The public’s view: 1.54 / 5.00, the second-worst #1 hit of 2020
Would you like to hear about a male-female duet loaded with weak rhymes and with self-indulgent and vaguely threatening lyrics? A song whose male performer is disliked to the point that some listeners actively wished for him to be put in prison? A song whose brief domination of the Hot 100 was so baffling that it suggested the possibility of an unsavory chart manipulation scheme? If so, I recommend that you read the entry for Peter Cetera & Amy Grant’s “The Next Time I Fall”. But maybe “TROLLZ” fits the bill as well.
“TROLLZ” is a better song than “The Next Time I Fall”, but its back-story makes it difficult to defend. 6ix9ine is the kind of rapper whose Wikipedia article has lengthy sections titled “Legal Issues” and “Feuds” which completely overshadow the portion devoted to his musical talent. Many of the lyrics of “TROLLZ” are disses directed at those who have run afoul of either him or Nicki Minaj at some point. Almost everyone falls into this category, but at least we are fortunate that the song does not try to address all of us individually. I’m thankful there’s not a verse about the cashier at CVS who refused to honor Nicki’s expired shampoo coupon in 2014.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a good diss track. Virtually every person in my demographic appreciates Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” and its derisive slap at Neil Young. “TROLLZ” could take a few lessons from that song. Skynyrd was direct but not defamatory with their lyrics. They never called Young a snitch or insinuated that he had V.D., as “TROLLZ” does with its targets. More importantly, Skynyrd was responding to a perceived slight against the entire American South – not some gripe that no one outside of the band cared about. “TROLLZ”, on the other hand, is all about paltry personal disagreements. Am I supposed to be angry that Meek Mill offended 6ix9ine by giving him unsolicited advice? Judging by 6ix9ine’s life choices, maybe he should have listened.
The week after it debuted atop the chart, “TROLLZ” became the first non-holiday song in Billboard history to drop all the way out of the top 30 from the #1 position. Its flim-flamming of the public was just beginning, however, as 6ix9ine would then use the song to launch a line of NFTs. An NFT is a virtual collectible – essentially a trading card that doesn’t actually exist in any tangible way. It is a scam by its very nature, and yet the rapper allegedly made it even more of a scam by not delivering all of the imaginary stuff that was promised. Who could be so lazy as to fail to provide a make-believe product? Maybe someone lazy enough to rhyme “fuck” with “fuck”, then with “up”, and then again with “fuck”.
There is one very good thing about “TROLLZ” from my perspective. After decades of waiting patiently, I was delighted that we finally had a second #1 hit that references a Sesame Street Muppet in its lyrics. (The first was John Parr’s “St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion)” in 1985, but you already knew that.) Unfortunately, the relevant line in “TROLLZ” is this demand from Nicki Minaj: “Yeah, eat it, Cookie Monster.” I would have preferred something less sexual and more in keeping with the spirit of the Children’s Television Workshop. Maybe “You’re a really good friend, Bert.” Or “Hey Snuffy, it’s time for your rabies shot.” Instead, I am left with the mental image of Nicki picking blue fur and cookie crumbs out of her nether regions. It still beats listening to a Peter Cetera ballad.
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