One person’s view: “The only really bright spot of this single was Amy’s vocal performance. She gave everything she could to this sinking ship.” – Rocknroll1987 @ Rate Your Music
The public’s view: 1.96 / 5.00, the worst #1 hit of 1986 & 1987
About ten years ago I stumbled across a professionally created website that enumerated all of the ways in which Peter Cetera sucks. An entire page was devoted to the inadequacies of his acting performance in the video for “Along Comes a Woman”. That site is not around anymore, but it left an impression on me. Could you imagine someone investing that much effort to air their petty grievances against Michael McDonald or Bruce Hornsby? But after reading lots of reviews while working on this blog, I learned that the anti-Cetera opinions on that website are not a fringe viewpoint. Of all the ‘80s balladeers, he is capable of inspiring a uniquely passionate level of loathing and derision that the Lionels and Phils of the world can only dream about.
Few listeners had a problem with Peter Cetera when he sang on Chicago records like “25 or 6 to 4” and “Old Days” in the early 1970s. Even as he marched the band into the unholy realm of soft rock with “If You Leave Me Now” and “Hard to Say I’m Sorry”, he probably had more admirers than detractors. But when he went solo, he somehow became ten times more irritating to everyone despite not really changing in any obvious way. Meanwhile, Chicago continued farther down the adult contemporary trail without him and found new singers who embodied much the same qualities as Cetera. Occasionally there would be a Chicago song and a Peter Cetera song on the charts at the same time. It was as if a gruesome beast had reproduced by splitting itself down the middle, and there were now two formidable foes to contend with.
Although I was definitely not a soft rock enthusiast, I thought that Peter Cetera had his merits. His distinctive style injected frivolity into his ballads and made them easier to tolerate. Consider “Glory of Love”, which receives only slightly better reviews than the Amy Grant duet I am focusing on today. A line like “I am a man who will fight for your honor” is practically designed to induce vomiting, but Cetera renders it harmless. His bizarre falsetto creates such a humorous juxtaposition with the macho blustering of the lyrics that it salvages the song. Nonetheless, I must agree with some of the criticisms that have been leveled against “The Next Time I Fall”.
Amy Grant generated a lot of buzz as a contemporary Christian singer in the first part of the 1980s. People were excited to finally hear her on a pop record without any vexatious religious themes spoiling the endeavor, but even God couldn’t overshadow her as much as Peter Cetera does on their duet. It’s not a matter of who gets more singing time. It’s that Grant’s voice is textured and pleasant, while Cetera’s is powerful and shrill. If you hear a beautiful lullaby and then someone blows a whistle in your ear five seconds later, it’s easy to forget all about the lullaby. The duet also stands out, unfavorably, as the only male-female pairing I’ve heard in which the man’s voice is higher than the woman’s. Well, maybe not the only one. Peter Cetera also had a hit record with Cher a few years later.
The song itself also doesn’t do Grant and Cetera any favors. Neither the melody nor the lyrics are very strong for a chart-topping single, and the chorus comes across as a threat: “The next time I fall in love, it will be with you.” What if I don’t want Peter Cetera falling in love with me? Quit sending me flowers, Pete!
“The Next Time I Fall” is an easy choice for a bad #1 hit to spotlight from 1986. There aren’t any such universally agreed upon bad #1s for 1987, so I’m going to be moving ahead to 1988 and 1989 for my next posts. Those two years are a target-rich environment.
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