One person’s view: “‘Separate Lives’ isn’t a heartbreaking song about moving apart from one’s former lover: it’s a song about wallowing in self-pity and martyrdom all while blaming others for one’s problems. Awful, awful, awful, awful, awful.” – dagwood525 @ Rate Your Music
The public’s view: 2.29 / 5.00, the third-worst #1 hit of 1985
Because of all the attention devoted to “We Built This City” and “We Are the World” in the music press, most young people probably assume that those two records were always considered the worst #1 hits of the mid 1980s. However, that’s a revisionist view that became fashionable only long after the fact. Those of us who were alive at the time remember a far less listenable song that topped the Hot 100 in the same year as those other two.
You know how sometimes a song you dislike will start up, and you will – through either laziness or inattention – allow it to play to completion while you miss something better on a different station? No one ever had that problem with “Separate Lives”. The track begins with a 45-second near-spoken intro by Phil Collins before most of the instruments kick in. This dull-as-dirt monologue serves as a powerful warning that the next few minutes are not going to be a pleasant experience. I haven’t unearthed the data to prove this, but I am sure there was a spike in dislocated shoulders in the autumn of ‘85 from people frantically reaching toward their radio tuning dials whenever this came on.
After the dreaded intro is over, “Separate Lives” starts to have a melody for a moment before meandering off into blandness. Its lyrics tell a gloomy tale of the animosity surrounding a bitter break-up, and Collins has a grimness in his voice that fits the material well. Without the star power and momentum that he had in 1985, there is no way this depressing record gets anywhere near #1.
Marilyn Martin is a top-notch singer, and I like her solo hit “Night Moves”. On “Separate Lives”, she meshes with Collins about as well as a porcupine and a waterbed. Many of her lines consist of repeating whatever Phil just said, but with an overly dramatic warble. Could you imagine your spouse constantly mimicking you like this? “Honey, are we running low on toilet paper?” “Toilet pay-ay-ay-ay-per!” No wonder this couple split up.
Anyone who can relate to “Separate Lives” is going to be turned off by it. I guess the song is intended for people who are in the middle of a divorce, but it isn’t the type of diversion that will brighten their moods. It’s as if Stephen Bishop wrote it to intentionally make everyone miserable. It even made Phil Collins feel bad. When his second marriage was on the rocks due to his philandering, his estranged wife would sometimes stand in the aisle and glare icily at him while he performed it at his concerts. Hey Phil, why not pull it from the set list? Replace it with a random Genesis track like “Jesus He Knows Me”. No one will be upset.
Despite all that I’ve just written, there is one cultural relic from the fall of 1985 that was more unbearable than the “Separate Lives” single. I am, of course, referring to the “Separate Lives” video. It features all the fun of the song, plus slow-moving scenes from the White Nights movie added at the beginning and end. The only thing missing from this multi-sensory entertainment experience is Gregory Hines and Mikhail Baryshnikov coming to your house and kicking you in the gonads whenever the video is on. I bet this would have happened too if they’d had the budget.
OK, I feel better now that I got this off my chest after almost 40 years. I’m glad I never have to think about White Nights again. On to the next bad #1 hit. Wait, what the hell? Another song from White Nights??
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