“We Built This City” by Starship (1985)

One critic’s view:  “It purports to be anti-commercial but reeks of ‘80s corporate-rock commercialism.  It’s a real reflection of what practically killed rock music in the ‘80s.” – Craig Marks @ Blender, as quoted in USA Today

The public’s view:  2.05 / 5.00, the second-worst #1 hit of 1985

With so many articles, books, and doctoral dissertations written about why “We Built This City” is the worst thing that has happened since the Visigoths sacked Rome, there is little I can add to the discussion.  I will keep this post brief.

Is “We Built This City” really that awful?  No, not compared to so many of the other hits that have been featured here, but it does have a fundamental incongruity at its core.  The song was conceived as a protest against greedy corporations that were buying out popular venues and ruining the live music scene in Los Angeles.  This was an amazing germ of a song idea, but too many people got involved in the writing and production.  The track was reworked into something so corporate that it should have featured a calculator solo by Grace Slick’s stockbroker.  Meanwhile, it kept enough of the original theme – and a few nonsense lyrics – to come across as hypocritical.  The last thing that critics want to hear in a rock song is hypocrisy.

I can’t think of any other hits that followed a similar tortuous path from inception to hypocrisy, so I’ll make up an example of what this was like.  Imagine that a third songwriter had barged in on Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson while they were working on “We Are the World”.  Let’s call this fictional person “Bryan Adams”.  Now suppose that after Lionel finishes writing two heart-rending verses about the famine in Africa, “Bryan” adds a powerful chorus urging everyone to go to Sizzler, gorge themselves on the all-you-can-eat buffet, and leave a pile of wasted food on their plate when they’re done.  Also, in a nod to Michael’s pet snake, he inserts the line “Balboa played the boa.”  And then – despite some initial misgivings – the all-star celebrity choir sings these lyrics with sincerity and conviction.  Bruce Springsteen screams “Eat at Sizzler!”, and it becomes one of the iconic moments of the decade.

Now we have a charity fundraising single with the same problems as “We Built This City”.  Actually, I think this would be pretty cool.