“We Are the World” by USA for Africa (1985)

One person’s view:  “Every copy of this single ever made should be ritually burned.” – rushomancy @ Rate Your Music

The public’s view:  1.83 / 5.00, the worst #1 hit of 1983 through 1985

After exiting the doldrums, pop music and the Hot 100 had a couple of magnificent years in 1983 and 1984.  For a moment it looked like I would be permanently out of fodder for this blog.  However, there comes a time when we heed a certain call to skewer yet another song.

“We Are the World” presents me with the same type of conundrum as “Everything Is Beautiful”.  It’s one of the most well-intentioned chart-toppers ever, and I don’t have any kind of personal beef with it.  However, the retrospective reviews of it are horrendous.  If I don’t write at least a brief post about it, I can’t call my blog “The Bad #1 Hits”.

The complaints about “We Are the World” could fill a room the size of the egos that were famously checked at the door at the recording session.  The project is derided as a performative bit of “hey look at me” do-goodism which accomplished nothing that couldn’t have been achieved by less irksome means – like having each person in attendance write a check for $1 million.  The lyrics are simplistic and focus on the do-gooders rather than the people who need help.  The vocalists all sound like parodies of themselves.  The tune drags on for nearly twice as long as necessary, turning a plea for money into an especially aggravating plea for money.

All of this is essentially true.  However, it’s hard to imagine a lofty endeavor like this turning out much better than it did.  Put yourself in Lionel Richie’s shoes:  you have a very limited time to write a song that must become a multimillion-selling anthem.  Worse still, you have to work on it with Michael Jackson at his house, and he has a pet boa constrictor that doesn’t always stay in its cage.  You’d get one verse written, hear a noise behind you, and then have to take a break to change into a clean pair of trousers.  I’ll give Lionel credit just for finishing the song under these circumstances.

The real problem with “We Are the World” and its sibling “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” is that they led to a period in which rock stars thought they could solve any worry with a sing-along.  This was especially the case in the U.K., where charity anthems became a frequent occurrence.  If you stubbed your toe on the streets of Ipswich, there would soon be thirty people gathered in a studio to call attention to your plight.

In the U.S., the main legacy of “We Are the World” was the even more ambitious project Hands Across America.  This event was like if the Underpants Gnomes from South Park got into the charitable fundraising business.  Step 1:  Ask millions of people to form a human chain stretching from New York to L.A.  Step 2:  ???  Step 3:  Hunger and poverty have been eradicated.

By some measures, Hands Across America was a huge success.  None of the participants got run over by a car or a train, nobody got struck by lightning, and there weren’t any fistfights over who had to hold hands with that kid who was picking his nose outside of Albuquerque.  However, by this time the charity craze was about over.  Today, whenever you hear anyone mention raising money to fight world hunger, it brings back memories of other fads of that era like Cabbage Patch dolls, shoulder pads, and Dynasty.  People sure did some weird things back in the ‘80s.