Our museum of the supposed worst #1 hits on the Billboard Hot 100 is complete with 75 entries. Now it’s time to take a look at a few extra achievements in this field.
Worst Opening Line of a #1 Hit: Quincy Jones was a genius as a producer, yet he couldn’t talk Michael Jackson out of starting “Bad” with “Your butt is mine.” The lyric was so awful that it reportedly caused Prince to forgo a proposed collaboration with Michael. Given the quality of most 1980s superstars duets, this may have been for the best.
Worst Geography Mishap in a #1 Hit: The English band Paper Lace’s “The Night Chicago Died” tells us of a gun battle that took place on the east side of Chicago – i.e., in Lake Michigan. They should have asked someone from this side of the Atlantic to review their lyrics. Even a city boy who was born and raised in South Detroit would have caught this error.
Most Defamatory Verse in a #1 Hit: In last year’s chart-topper “Carnival”, Kanye West hinted that he had something in common with R. Kelly, Bill Cosby, and P. Diddy. This was outrageously unfair to those three men, who have done nothing so awful as to merit being likened to Kanye.
Worst Overall Lyric in a #1 Hit: There are so many candidates for this award that “Marconi plays the mamba” probably doesn’t even make the top fifty. Ultimately, I must defer to noted bad song expert Dave Barry’s opinion on this matter. The late Mac Davis wins the trophy for these two lines in “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me”:
Girl, you’re a
hot-blooded woman child
And it’s warm where
you’re touchin’ me
Most Pathetic Ballad of Lost Love to Hit #1: Long before James Blunt and Lewis Capaldi, there was Billy Vera. In “At This Moment”, Vera practically weeps while begging his woman not to leave him. ”If you stay I’d subtract 20 years from my life.” I think she’d be happier if he would just subtract two minutes from the song.
Best Save of an Otherwise Bad #1 Hit by a Featured Guest: Charli XCX, for “Fancy”. Does anyone doubt that this track would have been intolerable if Iggy Azalea had handled the whole thing by herself?
Worst Political Statement in a #1 Hit: Nelly’s “Grillz”, which peaked atop the Hot 100 in 2006, contained a guest rap by Ali & Big Gipp that name-checked the junior senator from New York: “Got a bill in my mouth like Hillary Rodham.” This makes Jason Aldean’s social commentary seem almost Dylanesque by comparison.
Worst Song to Hit #1 Twice: Songwriters Gerry Goffin and Carole King have the winning composition, and it isn’t a close contest. “Go Away Little Girl”’s baffling return to #1 in 1971 left everyone asking serious questions about where we went wrong as a species. The planet was under better stewardship when it was covered by twenty-foot-tall fungus.
Lifetime Achievement Award in the Field of Bad #1s: New Kids on the Block existed in an era in which lousy #1s were sprouting up like hairs on a hog, yet their three chart-toppers still managed to lower the bar. As if that wasn’t enough, they helped Tommy Page make it to #1 too. They deserve a special place of honor in our Hall of Infamy.
Worst-Rated #1s by
Decade
These are the #1 hits that Rate Your Music users hate the most. The overall lowest-rated #1 song of each decade is denoted by an asterisk (*):
Worst #1s by Male Solo Acts
1950s (mid-1958 through 1959) – “Why”
by Frankie Avalon
1960s – “The Ballad of the Green Berets” by SSgt. Barry Sadler (*)
1970s – “Go Away Little Girl” by Donny
Osmond
1980s – “Rock On” by Michael Damian
1990s – “I’ll Be Your Everything” by
Tommy Page (*)
2000s – “This Is the Night” by Clay
Aiken (*)
2010s – “Someone You Loved” by Lewis
Capaldi
2020s (through 2024) – “Try That in a Small Town” by Jason Aldean (*)
Worst #1s by Female Solo Acts
1950s (mid-1958 through 1959) – women
were not allowed to have #1 hits without a chaperone
1960s – “Don’t Break the Heart That
Loves You” by Connie Francis
1970s – “You Light Up My Life” by Debby
Boone
1980s – “Wind Beneath My Wings” by
Bette Midler
1990s – “Coming Out of the Dark” by
Gloria Estefan
2000s – “A Moment Like This” by Kelly
Clarkson
2010s – “All About That Bass” by Meghan
Trainor
2020s (through 2024) – “Super Freaky
Girl” by Nicki Minaj
Worst #1s by Duos, Groups, and Other Unfortunate Collaborations
1950s (mid-1958 through 1959) – “The
Chipmunk Song” by the Chipmunks with David Seville (*)
1960s – “Hey Paula” by Paul & Paula
1970s – “(You’re) Having My Baby” by
Paul Anka with Odia Coates (*)
1980s – “I’ll Be Loving You (Forever)”
by New Kids on the Block (*)
1990s – “I’m Your Angel” by R. Kelly
& Celine Dion
2000s – “Laffy Taffy” by D4L
2010s – “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5
featuring Cardi B (*)
2020s (through 2024) – “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” by Jawsh 685 x Jason Derulo x BTS
Best-Rated #1s by Decade
Just in case you’re tired of the negativity, I’ll leave you on a more uplifting note. Here are the #1 singles with the highest Rate Your Music scores:
1950s (mid-1958 through 1959) – “Sleep
Walk” by Santo & Johnny
1960s – “Penny Lane” by the Beatles
1970s – “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac
1980s – “When Doves Cry” by Prince
1990s – “Doo Wop (That Thing)” by
Lauryn Hill
2000s – Tie: “Hey Ya!” by OutKast ; “Ms. Jackson” by
OutKast
2010s – “Somebody That You Used to
Know” by Gotye featuring Kimbra
2020s (through 2024) – “Not Like Us” by
Kendrick Lamar
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